Well what does it mean, ‘Walking Back To Myself’?

Simply put it means that somewhere along the way, the me I knew and loved, my authentic, healthy, happy me, and the me that I am now, parted ways. It’s not like she and I had a falling out, more of a “Hey, I’m just going over to check this out, see you later”, that turned into a long absence through distraction and lack of directions home again.

But I miss her. It’s the little things that make me think of her. Like walking past a shop window, absently noting the plump, middle-aged motherly woman in the window and realising with a jolt of shock that it’s me.. Or walking around the supermarket and becoming breathless. Perhaps it’s my perennial weariness and my reluctance to commit to anything that will take me away from my computer screen, lest it tire me too much.

From that description, you might think that I have some illness, but I don’t. I’m just sedentary and overweight. My mind rockets all over the place but my body simply can’t keep up because it’s been so long since I asked it to.

For quite a long time, I was very fit. I cycled and swam and walked. I was healthy and strong, I loved to dance and dress in lovely clothes. I was adventurous and excited by life. I loved that.

So…..

while looking at Pinterest one day, as you do, I found this image and a spark of something flickered in me. I could do that! I spend time at my computer anyway, what if I walked while I did it? What a revolutionary idea! Why had no-one thought of it before?! Of course, it turns out they had. That in fact, all over the internet, there are websites and video clips devoted to the treadmill desk and all the advantages of walking as opposed to sitting, or in my case, often lying in front of a screen. Just look it up, they’re everywhere. Apparently sitting for long periods of the day is killing us….slowly…which made me laugh, until I remembered that these days I sometimes have to use a Ventolin inhaler and that my back aches significantly when I walk any distance. It’s definitely a case of ‘Use it or Lose it’ for me.

What ensued was a two day research frenzy. It wasn’t pretty but it was exciting and sometimes frustrating, as I tried to find the very best way to make my work station into a walk station. I use the word work loosely, since I don’t actually work at my computer, so much as read, write and communicate on it

This is the beginning of my journey. A journey which, though it may have twists and turns, will eventually lead me back to myself. I imagine her standing with open arms, walking towards me and saying, when I reach her “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you”

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