You have to feel them dammit and sometimes it’s uncomfortable.

Especially when there’s no real reason for them. Today for example, I feel irritable. An irritability that’s almost spilled over into anger once or twice already but there’s no earthly reason I should be. I’ve had enough sleep, the kids were lovely this morning, Andy would be I’m sure but he’s out. I’m not at a particularly hormonal time in my cycle, there’s nothing wrong, in fact things are good, so why?

Perhaps more to the point, should I even be worrying about this at all? They’re just feelings, right? So maybe I just let them go by. Watch them and allow them to pass?

But I want to jump up and down and make cross noises and frown.

For no reason.

See, what I used to do was go to the fridge or to the shop and buy or make something to eat. For a morning like this one, it would have had to be something creamy and savoury, maybe something cheese-based, so that my body would be forced to calm the hell down in order to concentrate on processing the food.

cheesy

see? cheesy!

If that didn’t work immediately, it might have had to be followed with chocolate or cake, just to make sure.

I’m not doing that now, so I’m having to feel every wretched feeling that crosses my path and happily for me, many of my random feelings are good ones but the ones that aren’t still have to be felt.

Dammit. Again.

Today was supposed to be a rest day from walking but I may have to do it anyway.

Wait.

Gratitude.

I just remembered. If I’m feeling grateful, I can’t feel angry at the same time, so let’s see…..

I’m grateful for my love, who spends so much of his time and energy on being the best husband and father he possibly can. I’m grateful for my children, who are funny and kind and interesting. I’m grateful for my Mum and Dad and my sister and brothers, awesome people every one of them.

I’m grateful for Andy’s family, who I miss very much.

I’m grateful to live in this town, where things are safe and clean and bright and beautiful.

I’m grateful for our house, simple and beautiful, which we love.

I’m grateful to have joined Michelle Bridges program and be doing something so awesome for myself.

And I’m grateful for every bit of encouragement I get, every day, from my friends and family and sometimes from people I don’t know. People who ring, or send messages, or comment on my blog, or facebook or in forums. Lovely friends who come walking with me or to yoga, or even just ask me how it’s going. It all makes an incredible amount of difference to me. Much more than they realise.

There, that’s better.

Who needs cake 🙂

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