I’m half way through this round of the 12 Week Body Transformation and today I was tired.

Tired and craving chocolate. Which is pretty weird because chocolate isn’t usually my ‘go to’ craving food. For breakfast I ate porridge and drank coffee, then water. Lunch was leftover beef stew from last night, reheated and delicious.

So far so good. Then a minor disagreement in the house, followed by a pretty minor obstacle in my day, and suddenly I wanted chocolate. Like, right now! With Zac in the car, I stopped at a corner shop, on the way to collect Sam, ostensibly to buy us all a drink. In my mind I was all the while rationalising my firm decision to buy a bar of chocolate and, like Charlie when he discovered the golden ticket, scoff the lot. Wolfing it down, rather than nibbling at it.

It was fine, I told myself. It’s not like I do it all the time. What harm could one bar of chocolate do? One large, soft, creamy, sweet, melting bar of deliciously decadent chocolate…. My every day decisions around food have been good, so this one aberration means nothing. In fact, maybe it’s a good thing! Maybe getting the craving out of the way will prevent me from having a melt down and devouring everything in my vicinity!

Feeling very clever and sensible, I chose the drinks and walked over to the counter, to where the sweet things lay, ready to be picked up and paid for.

It took me exactly three seconds to realise I wasn’t going to buy any of them. None of them were quite ‘right’, quite what I wanted and I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good blow-out on something sub-standard. I’d save it for later, when I could find something perfect.

So later came. I took Zac to rugby, knowing it was just going to be the two of us for dinner and trying not to want take-away the night before weigh in. It’s not that I don’t know that a planned treat night is sometimes appropriate, or that one meal doesn’t need to make a difference to the rest of my eating choices. It’s that I mistrust this urgency, this near-desperation, not for the food but for what it represents. The thin edge of the wedge…..

I’ll happily have a treat night when I’m in control of choosing and planning it, not when I’m being driven by cravings.

Still…..I was tired and takeaway is easy…maybe fish and chips, with its padded, greasy, pillowy batter, cut with sharp lemon and salt? There’d be no argument from Zac. He loves chips.

Walking back to the car, I mentioned it to Zac and he nodded “Sure, let’s have that. it sounds nice”.

Then my last-ditch attempt at saving myself with a hesitant “I really like the idea of it but I was thinking it’s not really what I promised. You know, to “honestly and courageously do my best” Before I’d even finished, he was shaking his head with decision.

“It’s not. We’re not having takeaway. What else can we have?”

In Aldi, he followed me, asking about the healthiness of everything I picked up, making suggestions, making me laugh with his impression of a small General. Taking charge.

For dinner we had crumbed fish and a crispy, crunchy salad, accompanied with a tall glass of apple juice and mineral water, followed by a small tub each of Greek fruit yoghurt. It was filling and lemony, salty, sweet and fizzy. He loved it, I loved it. It was an easy, satisfying meal and I felt good about it later.

Obviously I still have a way to go with myself as regards food but with the supporters and champions I have, Success is Inevitable 🙂

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