The Reminder

I’m half way through this round of the 12 Week Body Transformation and today I was tired.

Tired and craving chocolate. Which is pretty weird because chocolate isn’t usually my ‘go to’ craving food. For breakfast I ate porridge and drank coffee, then water. Lunch was leftover beef stew from last night, reheated and delicious.

So far so good. Then a minor disagreement in the house, followed by a pretty minor obstacle in my day, and suddenly I wanted chocolate. Like, right now! With Zac in the car, I stopped at a corner shop, on the way to collect Sam, ostensibly to buy us all a drink. In my mind I was all the while rationalising my firm decision to buy a bar of chocolate and, like Charlie when he discovered the golden ticket, scoff the lot. Wolfing it down, rather than nibbling at it.

It was fine, I told myself. It’s not like I do it all the time. What harm could one bar of chocolate do? One large, soft, creamy, sweet, melting bar of deliciously decadent chocolate…. My every day decisions around food have been good, so this one aberration means nothing. In fact, maybe it’s a good thing! Maybe getting the craving out of the way will prevent me from having a melt down and devouring everything in my vicinity!

Feeling very clever and sensible, I chose the drinks and walked over to the counter, to where the sweet things lay, ready to be picked up and paid for.

It took me exactly three seconds to realise I wasn’t going to buy any of them. None of them were quite ‘right’, quite what I wanted and I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good blow-out on something sub-standard. I’d save it for later, when I could find something perfect.

So later came. I took Zac to rugby, knowing it was just going to be the two of us for dinner and trying not to want take-away the night before weigh in. It’s not that I don’t know that a planned treat night is sometimes appropriate, or that one meal doesn’t need to make a difference to the rest of my eating choices. It’s that I mistrust this urgency, this near-desperation, not for the food but for what it represents. The thin edge of the wedge…..

I’ll happily have a treat night when I’m in control of choosing and planning it, not when I’m being driven by cravings.

Still…..I was tired and takeaway is easy…maybe fish and chips, with its padded, greasy, pillowy batter, cut with sharp lemon and salt? There’d be no argument from Zac. He loves chips.

Walking back to the car, I mentioned it to Zac and he nodded “Sure, let’s have that. it sounds nice”.

Then my last-ditch attempt at saving myself with a hesitant “I really like the idea of it but I was thinking it’s not really what I promised. You know, to “honestly and courageously do my best” Before I’d even finished, he was shaking his head with decision.

“It’s not. We’re not having takeaway. What else can we have?”

In Aldi, he followed me, asking about the healthiness of everything I picked up, making suggestions, making me laugh with his impression of a small General. Taking charge.

For dinner we had crumbed fish and a crispy, crunchy salad, accompanied with a tall glass of apple juice and mineral water, followed by a small tub each of Greek fruit yoghurt. It was filling and lemony, salty, sweet and fizzy. He loved it, I loved it. It was an easy, satisfying meal and I felt good about it later.

Obviously I still have a way to go with myself as regards food but with the supporters and champions I have, Success is Inevitable 🙂

Inspired by ‘Beauty and Beyond’ (you can find her on the blogroll to the right)

This post should really have been subtitled ‘Help, I Can’t Stop Posting Pictures Of Food!’ I seem to have been doing a lot of it recently. It’s part of the journey you know 🙂

Baked pumpkin and steak under a steamed up lens…

Pumpkin, steak and salad

373 Cals, depending on your quantities, size of veg etc

I didn’t really serve it like this, it was family dinner and we used the everyday white plates but I was playing with my new stripey plate because it’s fun.

Lunch at My Favourite Cafe

Also lunch with my Mum and my sister. Perfect combination 🙂

Yumness!!

Beautiful cafe, beautiful hands, beautiful food.

Portion Outsize and the Struggle Walk

There was a school swimming carnival this morning, part of the reason for the rush, and while it began well, with cheering and smiling, it ended with a distressed, crying child, begging to be taken home.

By the time we’d got to this point, lunchtime had well and truly arrived, for both of us. My thoughts turned towards the small tin of tuna, tucked into the front of my bag days ago and then away again as more hugs were needed.

We’d hardly walked in the door and settled said child onto the couch with his lunchbox, than I was marching into the kitchen, like some sort of inexorable force, sights set on the zucchini I could see peeking from beneath a tomato, on my bench. In seconds, I swear it was seconds, I had a huge salad assembled and like magic a fork appeared in my hand and I was eating like a machine.

Note to self; Next time, take an apple!

The salad was too big but I didn’t realise it until after I’d surrounded it with my stomach. I still hadn’t walked either and it would have to wait now, until everyone else got home. It was lovely, snuggling, dozing quietly, watching kid’s TV, belly sore from salad over indulgence….Just say that again….it sounds ridiculous…

When the time came to walk, it was such an effort to get up. Today was definitely a JFDI sort of day. I felt sore in the arms from yesterday’s swim, overfed, sleepy from a disrupted routine last night (which just means it was the weekend and I was readjusting)…..there were excuses aplenty to be had.

So I walked, with my boy, and we talked….or rather he talked and I puffed and moved forward, knowing that each step took me closer to being able to chill out again. The lesson here, for me, is Morning Exercise!!!!!!!!

🙂