While Walking

Okay, just one foot in front of the other, no problem, I’ve got this. There’s a pain in my ankle…nothing serious, keep going…This hill wasn’t this steep the other day…was it? Why is my breathing so loud? Gee, my knee hurts a bit. Maybe just a short walk today and then I can go and do something else. There’s some washing that needs to be done and I could do with a coffee….I’ll just walk up to the next street and then I’ll turn around.

Hmm…I could just walk a few more streets up, I’m past that hill. Yes, just a few more…oh wait, I have the ipod! Great, some music! Let’s see….yep, there it is. Workout music. Perfect. Swinging my arms, feeling good, this is easy.

Far out this hill is tough! What was I thinking?! Just keep moving, just keep moving, you can do it, just get to the top…..ahhhh…made it! Music pounding, cars travelling by, sweat on my forehead, feeling the burn in my legs and the newly familiar strength in my abdomen. It’s okay, almost time to turn around….won’t be long….here it is!

I could just keep going….after all, I’ve come this far, and I feel pretty warmed up now…..walking, walking, past the turn-around point and onward. Head up, listening to the beat, speeding my steps to match it. Legs moving elastically, arms pumping.

Moving, moving…another hill…slower but still moving up. Keep going, keep going….

Almost home, just another km or so to go now….I love this music! Singing along, arms moving in unsubtle drumming rhythms, joining in as I walk. Arms up, dance-walking now, bouncing along on the homeward stretch. I could do this all day!! Another hill? No problem!! I love walking! Maybe I could just go around the block before I go home? Looking at the clock. No, better not but wow, this feels amazing!!!

Checking my phone to see how far I went today. 6km…air punching!

Letting myself into the house…..stretching, drinking water, showering, getting dressed, relaxing.

 

Looking at Dresses

I found myself on Ebay tonight, looking at women’s clothing, specifically dresses. I say ‘found myself’, as though I somehow woke up and just happened to be there… In fact, I’d been looking at wedding dresses that one of the 12WBT ladies had posted on Facebook and it started me thinking. Hence the Ebay visit.

It’s been so long since I’ve actually chosen clothes, rather than just finding something that fits and doesn’t look too horrible, or at least doesn’t make me want to stay inside for the rest of my life, that I’m not really sure now, what I’ll want to wear when I’m smaller.

I’ll want them to be comfortable I think and pretty or elegant or funky…. Then I started thinking about the difference between what was appropriate when I was twenty and lithe and tanned as opposed to what might be appropriate now. Is it, should it even be in question?

I think I lean towards bohemian, loose, arty sorts of things, maybe dressed up with bangles and dangly earrings but is that because those are the sorts of things I wore when I was fit and toned and felt good in, in my twenties? Maybe now I’ll enjoy a different sort of look, still yet to be discovered.

A photo I found on Google…

I know I’ll want a pair of great jeans that I can dress up or down and feel fantastic in but beyond that….it’s a mystery.

There’s a long way to go yet, before I need to think too hard about it and even when I get there, I’ll be able to have a huge amount of fun finding my new style. Today my sister and I tried out different styles of make-up and she braided my hair. It’s been a long time since I cared enough to bother doing anything more than washing my hair and throwing it into a ponytail, or putting on more than a bit of eyeliner, a light foundation and some lipgloss.

It was fun, light, laughing and just a little bit startling to realise how long I’ve been doing the same thing over and over, without thinking.

The weekend passed in a no-exercise sort of way and I was glad to get out there and walk 6km today, though we’d meant to go to a yoga class…..I got the day wrong….still, it was a good walk and a great way to get going again.

I think I’m doing okay, I haven’t been counting the calories this week at all but I also haven’t been bingeing on yuck food either.

Oh! While I think of it, I made a most fantastic dinner the other night! There aren’t any photos but it was so good, I’m going to describe it anyway 🙂

I cut a piece of pumpkin into thick chunks and sprayed it with olive oil, then shook some garlic salt onto it and put it into the oven to bake.

While it was cooking, I made a sauce out of tinned tomatoes, herbs, tomato paste, chilli, garlic, celery, mushrooms, chicken stock, half a tsp of sugar, a little salt. I let that reduce while I finely chopped cauliflower for cauliflower rice.

When it was all cooked, I served the sauce on a plate, over the ‘rice’ and piled the chunks of caramelised, aromatic pumpkin next to it, scattered with thai basil. It was amazing. I was eating alone and kept making incredulous ‘Yum’ noises with every mouthful 🙂

For a quick and easy meal, full of taste and healthiness, try it out. Really. It was awesome!!

Zoodles and The 9km Walk

Such a beautiful day today. Another one.

I had a meeting this morning at 8.30am but from 10am I was free to walk, so after collecting water and an ipod from home, I went down to the Marina and started the waterfront walk.

Some days were just made for gratitude and this was one of them. A proliferation of birds of all kinds called to each other, in languages I don’t speak. I smiled at a hundred people along the way, dressed in so many different ways, with so many different destinations and conversations.

The undulating blue-silver of the sea threw up wavelets along the breakwall and for a moment I saw two dolphins, swimming lazily together, lifting themselves out of the water in a sudden fluid leap and it made my heart lift with them so that I stood for a moment, looking around for someone to share it with. An old man and his wife had seen it too and we smiled hugely at each other, then walked by.

Trying to get a photo of the dolphins as they rose from the water. Not quite quick enough 🙂

I meant to do the same 6km walk I’d done with my family on the weekend but as I approached that halfway mark, I suddenly wanted to do more. Knew I could do more.

In retrospect, perhaps I should have changed out of my long black pants and long-sleeved top, worn for the morning’s meeting. It was hot out there today. I was carrying two bottles of water though and there are water bubblers along the way, so all was well.

My legs felt elastic, moving, moving, moving, along the undulating paths. Weaving in and out of trees, never losing sight of the sea. It was joyous and I laughed.

When I described it to Andy later, he remarked that I might have looked a bit crazed but I prefer to think that anyone seeing me would have recognised the pure light of joy in my eyes. 🙂

It’s weigh-in day tomorrow but whatever the results, this week I have triumphed. I’ve pushed myself to walk further than before and I’ve eaten beautiful, fresh, wholesome foods. My body feels as though it belongs to me again, perhaps for the first time since I had children.

It’s hard to explain, because I’m really just at the beginning of this journey still but there’s been a fundamental shift this week. Something has changed. There’s no doubt that there’ll be more times of self-doubt or hormonal despond but for right now, I know that success is inevitable. I heard that phrase on one of the 12WBT videos and it hit me squarely. I’ll use it often.

So I walked and by the time I returned to my car, I’d done 9km. Both hands shot into the air in a silent air-punch of achievement. I stretched, got back into the car and drove home for lunch

Left over crunchy salad with tuna and a dollop of cottage cheese, followed by a cup of fruit salad. Then tonight’s dinner was oodles of zoodles, cooked with bacon and mushrooms, onion, garlic, chilli, zucchini, egg and a tablespoon of greek yoghurt. Just. So. Good!

Home From Holidays

I love holidays. That concentrated amount of time that somehow feels brighter, more focused, perhaps because I’m more alert to opportunities for experience, for fun. Perhaps because seeing myself and my family out of context gives me that all important shift in perception and reminds me just how miraculous and wonderful it is that we belong together.

The night before we came home, we ate at a really great steakhouse and we laughed so hard together that I couldn’t stop laughing, aware somewhere in my mind that our little boys (not so little now) are people that I don’t just love and want to help grow and protect, but people I really like. People in whose company I find joy.

Andy and I shared looks across the table, perhaps both realising at the same time, perhaps just happy to be in that moment with them and each other.

We ate well on this holiday. It felt as though we trod a satisfying line between nourishing our bodies well and indulging our wants. I made choices I’m proud of and gave myself room to have the things I wanted too. Or the things I thought I wanted. I bought two pieces of rich creamy fudge at one place, realising after a bite of each that it was just the taste I wanted, so handed them to Sam. Tall, slender, athletic Sam, who ate them in a bite, probably offering to share them with his Dad, though I didn’t see that.

At the steakhouse, there was a huge steak, covered in rich mushroom sauce, followed by coffee and a piece of dense, warm chocolate cake, sitting on a puddle of melted ganache, a tiny bowl of ice-cream nestled by it. I dug my spoon in and closed my eyes with remembered taste, enjoying every second. Half-way through it I knew I didn’t need it anymore and passed it across the table without regret.

How times have changed.

I counted 7294 steps on the first day (well I didn’t but my trusty Omron pedometer did) and 6800 steps on the last day. Beyond that all I know is that we moved a lot on our holiday, laughed a lot, hugged a lot.

and today is weigh-in day….

which I’ll document in its own post